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Sharing Suffolk Stories: Miles

Miles has shared their story with the Pride in Suffolk’s Past project through our online survey.

“Coming out is a continual process but here are some of the more important ones. I came out as gay while in high school. It was still pretty rare at my school in the early noughties. I first cameout online to friends without much of an issue. Then [I] was asked by someone at school if I was gay and within a few minutes my whole year knew. This was not an issue but showed me how fast word of mouth could work. My family already guessed and I had no worries about how they would react. It was more social taboo about sex and general teenagerness that made it take a while to come out as gay. Then I went to uni and came out as non binary queer. Friends are very OK with it. My dad is OK with it and I’m not the first trans person he knew. It also is not a huge surprise looking back. My brother and sister do not quite get it. Both my workplaces are very supportive.

My happiness makes more sense against the backdrop of needing to misgender myself to buy a railcard online [so] I pay a few quid more and get it in person at the station; being told it is for security reasons I need to be misgendered when signing up for a bank account [as] apparently being able to lump me in with about 50% of 7.8 billion people makes security easier for people from bank staff; not being able to get a passport with the correct gender because of national security. More mundane examples are not being able to sign up online to play the lottery or to have reward cards at supermarkets.

We still have a notion of sexuality that looks at both your gender and the gender of who you are attracted to rather than the fact [that] genders and sexualities are complex. Hopefully this will change but there have been high profile out bi and trans people involved since the first Pride in the US. Thankfully being in an openly queer couple is not an issue where I live and can’t say for certain but I’m guessing it is easier now than it would have been although people still assume we are just friends.”

If I could give my younger self advice I’d  say ‘You’re queer and nonbinary! Embrace your like of colour and flowing clothes’.

Next – How have things changed? >>